The first thing that I would like to say is that Sugar is my real last name. I think that Bert Sugar, the boxing writer, and I are the only people in boxing whose real name is Sugar! See photo with Mr. Sugar on my photo page!
1/15/12
Well, this is my blog. My very first blog. Is each entry a blog or a part of the master blog. I know as I write I am blogging. Can you tell I have never blogged before in my life? I have rambled endlessly which is how it felt when I wrote my book. 80,000 words. It took five years of on again, off again writing. My sister promises after she waves her magic wand over the "not without a fight" file, it will transform into a magnificant work of literature. I actually do have faith that she can do that, sans the wand.
I wrote to Kendra Bonnett from womensmemoirs.com. I needed feedback and direction. I had completed the rough draft, the query and the proposal and was waiting for my sister to wave the wand, and wanted to know what to do next and how to do it.
I felt that I needed to make sure I was on the right track and find out what I might need to do to market this thing. Writing it, in itself, has been quite cathartic and if that was where it ended, that would be okay with me. But I know that part of the reason I planned on writing this thing was to get it published and to share my life with the world. Writing my story was going to be a way to share how I overcame the bad stuff to get to the good stuff. I know personally, that when i was dealing with some things I felt totally alone. I know this is where support groups were born and essentially that is where my motivation was born. To hopefully reach at least one person and show them there is a light at the end of the tunnel and let me just share with you, how I found it.
I emailed Kendra to ask her advice and to get some feedback regarding what I was sending out while querrying book agents. She had a lot to say and I was extremely thankful that she took the time and energy to do it. She gave me positive and constructive feedback. I dont want to say negative because it really wasnt negative it was informative and gave me direction. One thing that she talked about was the importance of selling yourself even prior to getting the book published. She said there was no way that a publisher would pick up an unpublished author if they had not gotten their name out there already through public appearances, blogging, public speaking, etc.
This gave me pause because I realized that the only thing that I was going to be able to do prior to the book being published was to start a blog. It gave me pause because for the first time I would be actually putting my story out there. I had written the book and only my sister and I had read it and querried a few agents, but they didnt know who I was. My fear was when I actually published a website and wrote a blog that anyone could find me and read about my deepest darkest secrets. I mean, in this day and age, especially with facebook, whatever you put on the internet can easily be read by those you know. This should be a good thing for me since I am supposed to be getting my story out there but it is also frightening. I'm sure those who grew up with me, went to school with me, etc., know that I had some issues, that is for sure. But I guess its hard just laying all that stuff out on the table. I think it could be a good thing though because much of my life I have felt ashamed of who I am and what I have been through. I think that not only writing down my life experience but making it public is important.
1/18/12
I have now been working to put this site together for three days and would say that I have gotten pretty far for such a short period of time. I had no idea that I had saved so many photos and memorabelia from the time that I was boxing. I still have more stuff to put up on the site once I get it in order. I see that I am mostly focusing on boxing here so far. It is so much easier than focusing on the other stuff which is the meat and potatoes of the book. However I do talk a good bit about boxing as well because it is such a fascinating sport and there are so many parallels between my story and training and fighting in the ring. Boxing is like the apex of the story where everything cumulates. It was what I focused on when things were tough. I poured absolutely everything into it, and I think what truly fueled me through 2-3 hour nightly workouts was the excessive manic energy from untreated bipolar disorder. It was a healthy way to expend energy that otherwise could and would have taken me to bad places. If you have ever known a bipolar who does not take their medicine, you know what a destructive force the disease can be. It was not as if I chose to not take medication which was prescribed to me, at this point I hadnt even been diagnosed with the disorder so there was no medication to take. I just knew I had this compulsion to do things and felt at times that I was on a speeding train and couldnt find a way to get off. This is typical of bipolar disorder and those with the disease would probably agree with this analyzation. I discuss in the book where this disease took me at this time in my life but also where it took me at times where I did not have a constructive outlet. Prior to boxing it was running which I immersed myself in, participating in races every weekend and running a marathon only a year after quiting smoking. But if I didnt have something constructive, like a sport, to participate in and expend my excess of energy it got me into trouble. I had a brain that was swirling and whirline and so desparatelly needed the care of a doctor to get me on the proper treatment to slow things down and make life manageable. I have always envied "normal" people. Who wake up, go to work, come home, do their routines. I mean I do these things but there is always some part of bipolar in the background; either the disease itself with mania or depression, because sometimes the medications I am prescribed just arent doing the trick, or the medication is working but the side effects are intolerable and I feel like I am walking around in a fog, unbable to remember things that happened five minutes before and too tired and lathargic to get my ass to the gym or do much of anything productive other than the bare minimum. I drive an hour each way to work and work forty hours a week and always take care of chores and things that need getting done at home so I am always thankful I am at least functioning well but I know there are many bipolars on disability. I fully understand their situations but try hard to keep my life on track. I have been working for the Federal government for over 21 years no and intend on continuing until retirement (another 18 years) but this does feel daunting at times.
The latest medication I am trying is working really well. I have been on so many drugs and combinations of them to treat bipolar I can barely remember them all. Some work, some dont. Some work but their side effects are intolerable and I have yet to find a drug that works without side effects that make life difficult in one way or antother. I mean I hate to sound like a cry baby but it sucks when all you want is to feel fucking normal and that seems completely unatainable. I tried one medication that worked really well but in increased blood sugar and cholesterol levels and made you gain huge amounts of weight. Well it made me gain weight and from what I read when I researched the drug, did that to pretty much everyone else, unless they had a propensity to be really skinny. Another drug worked incredibly well but made me feel very jumpy. So you see, there are drugs that work but the side effects make you wonder if it is better to just deal with being bipolar. When I really think about it I realize that being manic or depressed just is not an option for me and I have to try to not give up hope. There will always be new drugs and combinations of drugs I have not yet tried so I continue working with my doctor to find the right treatment.
1/18/12
I came upon this little bit published in Yahoo's DC Sports page:
Also, best wishes to Garrett Park, MD's Erica Sugar. Sugar recently
announced her retirement from the sport for medical reasons. Sugar
was getting ready for a bout in Glen Burnie, MD when a physical
revealed she is having angle recognition problems in her eyes.
I had literally forgotten about this because though I had been diagnosed with angle recession, a condition of the vision caused by trauma, however, I had decided to take my chances. What actually brought me to the decision to retire was two things: one, I was training for what I thought would be my last, or close to my last fight and, while doing sprints, tore my achilles tendon. second, I was thirty-eight years old and hey, it was just time to hang up the gloves!
1/19/12
Can you imagine if former pro boxer Erica Sugar married ex-big league pitcher Jim Ray--divorced--then married PGA golfer Justin Leonard? Fans of the "sweet science" would surely delight in her full, married name of Erica Sugar Ray Leonard..........
Bob Lazzari on Sports
1/21/12
Finally feeling better after having had what I think was the flu for four days; four days from hell. Today I seem to be getting it out of my system and feel that I have turned a corner and things are clearing up! I cant remember the last time I felt that sick. I got absolutely no sleep the first night because I could not stop coughing and the coughing made my throat so raw it felt like it was on fire. I went to the doc and she did a strep culture, which was negative, so it's not bacterial, its viral, meaning no magic pill to make things all better. I just had to suffer through it! The doc did prescribe a cough syrup with codeine. I am in recovery, but if a doctor prescribes something containing a narcotic, I take it as prescribed. I know of some in recovery who would not take stuff unless their leg had been accidentally sawed off in a construction accident, but to me, if the doctor feels that whatever is going on medically warrants it, then I take it. Trust me, I was a freakin mess. I was in so much pain and so exhausted from coughing, I would have done anything to get some relief. The medication truly helped me to get some rest and also acted as an expectorant. When I am prescribed a medication, I always look it up and do a little research because I take so many meds, I'm always afraid the doc may have missed something about concomitant adverse effects. I just want to be sure that what I am taking wont interact badly with the other stuff and I want to see what to expect as far as side effects go. Ive got so many side effects going on with the meds I currently take, I want to check out what Im about to add to the pile! This stuff that was prescribed for cough is called promethazine codeine syrup. When I googled it, "Purple Drank" came up under Wikipedia. Apparently it's the slang term for this stuff which is used in the "hip hop community" as a recreational drug. Great. That's what I need. I read that they mix it with Sprite or Mountain Dew along with pieces of Jolly Rancher candy. Other names for the concoction are "sizzrup", "lean", "syrup", "drank", "barre", "purple jelly", and "Texas tea." Wow and I just called it cough syrup. Not very creative of me. Well I only used half the bottle and after tonight will throw it out. I just want to make sure that I dont have another night of coughing hell, then I throw out my sizzrup!!!
My dog Murphy has been very understanding and supportive throughout my 4-day illness. She seemed to understand when I didnt interact with her at all for a couple of days which was the first time I had ever done that as long as we have owned her. I was just too sick and feeling too lousy to even pet a dog! We got Murphy on Valentines Day 2009. She was born the previous December. So she turned two this past December. Murphy is a black Newfoundland, who now weighs 115 lbs and has one little white spot on her chest. For those of you not familiar with Newfoundlands, they are quite large, with LOTS of long fur and they slobber a LOT. This breed of dog has a wonderful temperament, and if you are looking for a dog that's good with kids of any age, as well as other animals, this is the breed. That is, of course, if you are okay with being slobbered on, and dont mind cleaning up wafting piles of shedded dog fur daily. But to me its all worth it. Murphy is the most amazing and loving animal I have ever met. Newfoundlands are, of course, from Newfoundland, and were bred as water rescue dogs. They actually have webbed toes which enables them to swim better! We have a pool in the backyard which is quite lucky for Murph. The first time we brought her out to swim was quite funny. We figured she would jump right in. But that wasnt exactly what happened. It was the beginning of summer and she was bout 6 months old. We all waited anxiously for the big splash, but what happened instead was that she gingerly walked into the water, pawing at the water in my direction as if to say, "help". I walked over and took her front paws and put them up on my shoulders. I slowly walked around the pool, she was upright with feet on the bottom of the pool staring directly into my eyes as if to say, "thanks mom, now don't let go!" It was so adorable. So we did this dance for a few weeks until she was like, the hell with this baby stuff, im swimmin'!, and off she went. It did take her a while to summons the courage to swim the entire lenghth of the pool. She would paw at the other end till she realized that she wasn't able to take a rest there, and finally would just swim to the end, do a u-turn, and swim back. The only problem though is that when there are people in the pool she still wants to do the "dance" and as soon as I jump in, even if its at the opposite end of the pool, off she goes to join me. I think that comes from her instinct to save people who are in distress in the water. She wants to save you whether you need it or not! We have to keep her inside when the kids have friends over to swim because its absolute mayhem!
I would like to change the subject abruptly and talk about an odd experience I had yesterday. I wrote a letter to the US Embassy in Mexico asking that they grant permission to a Mexican citizen to visit the US for 5 days to watch his son participate in the Silver Gloves tournament in Independance, Missouri. Now how the hell did I get in a position to write a letter like that.,you are asking, well I would assume youre asking that. If you had told me only a day prior that I would be writing this letter I would be like, "what the hell are you talking about?" What happened was that my ex-coach, Junious Hinton, occasionally asks me to help him out with stuff that entails putting together a business letter or making calls to gather information for various projects. I love helping him out with anything he needs because I have always felt such gratitude for all of the time that he dedicated to training me while I was boxing. I mean two hours a night, six nights a week, thats a lot of time. And he wasn't even retired then. He was still working for the Washington Post as a printer in the printing office. Not sure if that is the correct title, but I will have to check with him. He might have been a type setter. Sounds more accurate. Anyhow, last night he called me when I was in a sizzrup fog, still feeling like total hell and asked me to help him out. I totally didnt mind and did my best to help him. Apparently one of his fighters, Eric Tudor, was going to be competing in the Silver Gloves tournament. He and his parents are US citizens, however, his uncle, his father's brother, is not. His family desparately wanted his Uncle to attend the tournament, partly because they wanted him to be there to support his nephew, but also because he had been a sponsor of his nephew, as well as of the gym where he was training called "Books and Boxing" in Rockville, MD, under Coach Hinton. So coach asked me to help them out by composing a letter to present to the US Embassy requesting a five day visa for Mr. Tudor. I got all the info together from coach and then called Mr. Tudor. We spoke a while, but it was difficult because there was a slight language barrier and it took me a while to really get the gist of what this letter was supposed to accomplish, who it was supposed to be from and to whom it was supposed to be addressed. It was also difficult because I was probably as difficult to understand to Mr. Tudor, as he was to me since my voice was so rough from all the coughing I had been doing, and the more I talked, the worse it got. Finally, after several conversations with coach and with Senior Tudor, we ironed out the details and composed a letter which seemed to please them both. It was emailed to the UPS store where they printed it. Coach Hinton went to the store and signed the letter, then the letter was notarized and coach met Eric's dad, Mr. Tudor at the gym and gave him the letter. Im assuming he will overnight the letter to his brother who will take it to the embassy to request the visa. Anyhow, I did my part and really hope things work out for them. He was so kind and kept asking me if he could give me some kind of a gift in payment for my help. I said, absolutely not and that I was just happy to help. It was like a fun writing assignment to me and I never had to leave my desk. I will keep you updated on the status of the visa as well as on how Eric does during the tournament. It runs from February 1-5. Coach Hinton is the Chairman of the East Coast Silver Gloves Region and has been inducted into the Silver Gloves Hall of Fame. He has got a lot of training experience.
I am currently trying to help Coach Hinton open his own gym. It has been a daunting project. We tried many avenues. Our first approach was to contact the Montgomery County Police Athletic Leage (PAL) to see if they were willing to fully or partially fund the project. I put together a letter, with the help of a friend of his in Florida. This was a cop who had been training kids at a gym down there funded by PAL. Basically when the police confiscate goods, cash, etc from criminals, they use these funds for projects such as this. It's a win win because it gets kids off the streets and into a program that instills good values, confidence and fitness and the police presence in the gyms creates an environment where the kids see the cops as their allies, not enemies. Well I contacted the Montgomery County polic and drew up a long letter requesting help with a program like this only to find out that there was not a police athletic league in existence in Montgomerty County due to lack of funds.
My next approach was to contact the Montgomery County Department of Recreation. Another nice letter and a bunch of phone calls and emails which resulted in a letter saying that they too lacked funds for such a project.
I wasnt sure where to go at this point and couldnt figure out a resource we hadn;t tapped. There was always starting up a non-profit business, but that entails an enormous amount of work, and I believe we would need some seed money for a project like that, which neither of us had to put towards this. Yesterday I called coach and suggested that we try other counties. We decided to try Anne Arundel County, which is where I live. So I will be contacting our department of recreation and also see if a Police Athletic League exists here. I will keep you posted on this project and if anyone has any suggestions please feel free to contact me.
1/22/12
Today Im getting my hair cut and colored. cant wait. its going to be something very different and once i return i promise to take a pic and post it. It will be the first "current" pic on my site.
I wanted to talk now about a book called "A Million Little Pieces" by James Frey. I have not read the book but initially heard about it because apparently the author, was on the Oprah Winfrey Show because Oprah had read it and loved it. As most of you probably know, it turned out that the guy made up a lot of the stuff in the book. It's funny because a lot of times during the writing of my book I would think of the title and the picture on the cover which is a hand covered in tiny colored beads or sprinkles. see link:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0307276902/ref=pd_lpo_k2_dp_sr_1?pf_rd_p=486539851&pf_rd_s=lpo-top-stripe-1&pf_rd_t=201&pf_rd_i=0385507755&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_r=1PYA8Z5C084TY4NEJS39#reader_0307276902
The book is about a guy who, like me, went through addiciton and recovery. Many times while writing my book I would think of the title of that book and the photo on the cover and think, man, that is my story. This is because there actually were so many stories, within my story.. so many topics.. so many people involved in my story that it was really hard to put it together. To add to the complication was the fact that my memory sucks. Not just from the drug and alcohol haze but also because I am bipolar. It is hard to look back on times when you were bipolar and untreated and remember a lot of detail and also sometimes hard to remember details about times when I was actually being treated with medication because many of those meds effect memory. This is why I dread it when people from my past want to chat about stuff we did together or things that happened in our lives because many times I cant remember clearly and they dont understand why. Now its not that I remember things incorrectly, its that sometimes there are pieces missing. So you can imagine that if I have tons of stories that I remember, there must have been a lot that I cannot.That is probably a good thing because I probably never would have gotten this book finished if I could have remembered every detail. I think my head would have exploded!!
1/23/12
I decided at the last minute to check my phone to see if anyone had called late last night, before heading out to work, and i see a text. It's from a coworker letting everyone know that it was announced last night that the federal government is opening at 11am. thank god i checked my phone before heading out on my hour commute! i probably wouldn't have checked it on the road. what a pain that would have been. we also have the option of telecommuting after 11 and i think i will take that option since I'm still turning the corner with this flu thing i have. I'm wondering if its walking pneumonia because my lungs still feel a little heavy. anyhow, i will wait and see. it is a nice feeling to change back into your pj's grab a mug of hot coffee, get back into bed and watch some news. i cant go back to sleep once I have gotten up and gotten dressed, did my hair and makeup, etc. I'm too awake but i certainly can stay in bed a couple hours with Murphy at the foot of the bed and channel surf the news stations. So the NY Giants are in the super bowl and the reason that makes me so happy is because that's my husband's team. I used to watch football and loved the redskins, because it was my husband's favorite, but also since i live here! I don't want to sound like a total pushover, its just that I'm not a huge football person so i kinda go with the flow. but since the giant's won, it will make it a lot more fun to watch since i have someone to root for! I seriously cannot believe the govt isn't open till 11. I think it's just because we haven't had any bad weather really this winter so we get a tiny bit of ice and everyone freaks out. I'm really bummed out that we haven't had snow this year, I mean we are running out of time. We really only have about a month left of snow weather. I totally don't miss shoveling snow or scraping ice but i do love the feeling of being inside and cozy when its its wintery and white outside. As promised, I added a pic of my new haircut and the only current photo on my website of myself. the others are all from when i was boxing about ten years ago. Soon to come will be a pic of my dog Murphy who is absolutely cuter than I am!
1/26/12
Greetings again! A few days later and still sick! Well much much better. Im not in agony anymore just congested but I just had my physical yesterday and all is well. Got a flu shot, a day late and a dollar short! and tetnus. So im ready for anything! Now I just have to convince my son and everyone else in the house to get a flu shot so we will all be good for the winter. Not sure how well the vaccine works if youre in the same house as someone with the flu. I should know, I work for the Center for Biologics, the office in FDA that regulates vaccines! But what I do know is that they are never 100% full proof, but give you a better shot at not getting sick. (did you catch the pun?) Sipping coffee at my desk. I get here really early so I can leave early and have time for the gym before dinner. Also to avoid rush hour traffic to and from. I drive an hour each way so hitting rush hour would be a major PITS. I just made up that acronym but im pretty sure its self explanatory. Got a new travel mug from starbucks which is gigantic. Its awesome because it holds like four cups of coffee and the coffee stays warm for several hours so I can sip coffee all morning. I disslike their coffee, just like the travel mug. Here is the travel mug. Its awesome.
http://www.amazon.com/Brown-Stainless-Steel-Double-Walled-Tumbler/dp/B005L4P5E6/ref=pd_sim_sbs_hg_2
I bought it with Starbucks gift cards I got for Christmas. Its not something I would normally buy myself but since I dont drink their coffee it was the only thing to get.
So I would like to hear from more of you who are visiting. I would like to hear what you think of the site so far, and what you would like to see more of. I would also like to hear about topics you would like to discuss. I would love to publish emails from you guys if you would like to add to the discussion! So far it hasnt been much of a discussion, probably a lot more like rambling. So anything you would like to talk about; boxing; fitness; any difficult issues you are dealing with. I was just talking to my doctor yesterday about the difficulty of finding the right combination of medications to treat bipolar disorder because you not only need to find a treatment that effectively treats it, you also need to find medications with side effects which are tolerable. This is no easy task. Common side effects of bipolar drugs include lethargy, dizziness, drowsiness, confusion, memory loss, weight gain, constipation, nausea. That's not all of them either. One that I used to take caused weight gain, raised blood sugar, raised cholesterol, increased appetite. nice.............. i took it for a couple of years and gained weight. I have been off of it for over a year now and still trying to take off the weight that I gained. I went on Atkins which has worked beautifully for me in the past but lost nothing. I was on it for one month. Usually in the first month I have lost tons of weight. My doctor wondered if I am hypothyroid (underactive thyroid gland) so we did a blood test and I should have results within two weeks. If that's not it I just have to amp up my workouts and I think maybe doing more weight training might help. I know that having more muscle mass allows you to burn more calories effectively. Today for lunch I am having cauliflower with cheddar cheese a la Atkins. Im thinking I may include more grain and less fat, which is more South Beach diet than Atkins. Might be healthier anyhow.
Running out of options for the boxing gym. Looks like the only way Coach Hinton and I are going to be able to do this thing is to start a non-profit. That's a ton of work. I know that at least we would have to hire a lawyer but probably would need more of our own funding to get it started unless its all from grants. But then i have to learn how to write a grant proposal. arrg...
1/27/12
Still sick. really. still sick? i am not nearly as bad as the three days from hell when my throat was on fire and i practically fractured a rib coughing but still coughing and congested. It's almost becoming the norm being stick instead of healthy. I know a lot of people i know are sick so i suppose its something going around. Hope its not those pesky terrorists releasing some unkown toxic or biologic into the air infecting non-suspecting US citizens. Crazy as it sounds that very thing is being investigated as we speak. Bioterrorism to me, is so frightening. I guess any terrorism is. Just as the name implies, it is an act which instills terror.
Can we change the subject? I downed my coffee too quick. I want it back! Im not ready to face the day. I went to bed so early its embarassing. I was exhausted at 7pm and couldnt keep my eyes open. Im sure its because I took an antihistamine which was not the non-drowsy type so I slept from 7pm till 2am. thank god i was able to get back to sleep!
Anybody follow the housewives of beverly hills? i do. i follow them all! guilty pleasure. Taylor's book. Well Taylor. The weepy one. Now i know she was going through stuff. You know that I can relate to what she was going through. But I dont think I was as weepy. We all handle things differently. And the book? so soon? I found it so difficult to talk about the abuse I went through at the hands of my ex-husband and writing this book was one of the hardest things I have ever done. Writing it was hard because it was like reliving so many things I would rather forget. I guess you could look at it from the angle that she is very strong for being able to pen a memoir regarding the abuse so soon after her husbanc committed suicide. Maybe it was easier for her because he is gone. It was hard for me for several reasons including the fact that I didnt want to piss him off (he is still alive though in another state) but also because of our son. I discussed it with my son before making the decision to try and publish the book and he assured me that he was okay with it. He is 19 years old now and this stuff all happened when he was two. He is still in touch with his dad so sometimes things are awkward. I only very recently told him aobut much of the stuff that happened between his dad and I and only did that because he pushed real hard to get information from me. I didnt want to share that with him mostly because he still has a relationship with his father. Well his dad calls him and rambles endlessly and leaves strange messages on his voicemail and on his facebook page. For all of his friends to see. We think he is stoned when he does it because he sounds like he is out of his gourd. Which he actually is so is not necessarily stoned. But he recently confronted his dad with a bunch of stuff I had told him, under pressure from him to be very honest with him. It was so long ago and now his father is up in arms and all wound up. That was one pot I just didnt want stirred after all of these years. I figure his dad will not likely read the book but if it becomes so well known that he finds out about it and reads it, that I can handle. His father is accusing me of crazy things, to Sam, and Sam is coming to me saying did you kick dad's son Nick out of the house? Craziness. I was the one who cleaned up after Nick, fed him, drove him everywhere he needed to go, helped him with his homework, went to school functions and met with teachers. His dad? He was too busy. and he is accusing me of kicking Nick out of the house? Then my ex had his friend move in with us. What a nightmare. I had to take care of him too. a 40 year old man that left crap all over the house and I had to clean up after him. It was a nightmare. But that was long ago in a place far away and its all in the book so I wont diatribe too much about it here.
1/30/12
OMG its almost Feb. I cant believe it. I have a feeling this is going to be one of the mildest winters in history. Where is the snowmageddin? Only thing we have had is flurries and days that felt like they were misplaced spring days. Im not complaining really. I mean there is nothing worse than having to scrape ice adn snow off of your car when you are half asleep. That is no fun. But i do miss snowy days where you get an unexpected day off of work and get to stay home and be cozy and warm. I also wanted my Newfoundland to get to romp around in the stuff since last year she was a little timid about it being just a year old.
Im tired today. worked my butt off in the gym yesterday. i had to take off some time because i was so sick. even being almost completely better, im still coughing a little bit and congested. well i was yesterday, today im almost completely better. but when you cough in a gym people glare at you. Nobody who works out wants to get sick. i had to cough into my towel! but it was hard as hell coming back the first day. i plowed through it though and yesterday was a lot easier. even after just one day. my workout consists of 30 minutes on the stationary bike, weight training and speed rope. the bike is the hardest part because the route that i ride is a mounting with ups and downs but mostly ups! its like interval training because you will have a difficult hill then some downhill or level then another hill. back and forth which i think is the best with cardio. I do the circuit weights because they are a no brainer. you get every muscle group. i mainain the cardi while im doing the weights by moving quickly from one machine to the next. i do twenty reps at usually 50 pounds, sometimes a little lighter, sometimes a little heavier depending on the machine. i try to slow down and keep it very steady and consistent while doing the reps but dont take a rest in between so i keep my heart rate up. then i do as much rope as i can. i used to do 30 minutes but have fallen behind. im trying to build myself back up with the rope because if you dont do it for a while, it takes a long time to get back to where you were before but its really good cardio.
Im going to give blood tomorrow to get tested for Gaucher's Disease. It is a relatively rare blood disorder prevalent in the Ashkinazi Jewish population. Both parents have to be carriers in order to have the disorder. It is caused by a deficiency of the enzyem glucocerebrosidase. My brother has it and since I was displaying some symptoms, I am getting tested. I had a preliminary test that showed I may have it so I have to go back in this week and get a more specific test. Should take about a week to get the results so im not going to get worried till I know for sure.
2/1/12
Good morning. still a little congested and pulled my achiles yesterday at the gym. well not positive its the achilles it seems to be between the achilles and the calf muscle. feels like a little bit of a tear, an injury i have had in the past from running sprints. I felt it hurting a little when i was doing speed rope and thought maybe i should lay off the rope for a little while but thought i would jump and if it hurt again stop. well it hurt again but suddenly i got a sharp pain so it felt like i tore the muscle or tendon. anyhow, i limped out of the gym and wrapped it with an ace bandage. i can walk a lot better now, just with a slight limp, and it seems to be getting steadily better so i will work out tonight but avoid rope for a while. i was tested for gaucher's disease yesterday. its just one thing after another with me it seems lately. its like the older i get the more things go wrong. that is a long story but i was tested a couple of months ago for the disease, a rare genetic blood dissorder my brother has. i have a 25% change of getting it since i would need the gene from both parents. remember mendel and his fruit flies? that is for anyone who has taken genetics before. so i had to go in for a second test because there was some kind of issue with the first test giving difinitive results. my doc just said that they were worrisome and had a gaucher's specialist look at it who said it looked like i could have it. so i went in yesterday and gave more blood and it was sent overnight to emory univ in GA. the results will be back within a week. it would TOTALLY suck if i had it mostly because the treatment sucks. you have to have blood tranfusions every few weeks for three hours where they transfuse blood into your system that has the enzyme that your blood is missing due to the disease. im not getting into it anymore until i know if i have it. and since my son's father isnt jewish no worries of him having it. both parents have to be carriers and its only carried by ashkinazi jews (eastern european).
I was talking to someone at the hair salon the other day. just chatting about stuff and we were talking about what each of us did for a living, etc. i mentioned the book i had written and of course she wanted to know what it was about. so right now im supposed to be marketing this book, even though it isnt yet published and realized that with my kind of story its like you meet someone new and tell them about what you are doing and immediately the skeletons are out of the closet. its like you are taking them around and introducing them to everyone. i should have called my book "meet my skeletons" !! i mean usually people who have gone through this kind of stuff dont come right out and tell people about it. only people they are very close to. you certainly dont announce it to the world. that is why writing this book is such a HUGE commitment. I am commiting myself to telling total strangers about my darkest secrets. They have a saying in alcoholics anonymous "you are only as sick as your secrets". it makes so much sense. mostly in regards to the program and recovery but in regards to life in general. The more secrets you keep in life the more complicated and difficult life can be. I think just letting all this stuff out is sort of freeing to me. There is nothing i have to hide. its a good feeling but also very scary.
2/2/12
Angelo Dundee dies at age 90.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/02/01/angelo-dundee-dead-boxing-trainer-muhammad-ali_n_1248708.html?ref=sports&ncid=webmail6
2/5/12
been having some computer issues lately that seems to involve a nasty virus. bought norton and it took care of some but not all of the issues. i may just have to do another scan. i had a fantastic workout today. however, i tried jumping rope again and the pain that shot through my achiles and calf muscle told me its too soon! im sure i tore either my achiles or lower calf muscle but either way i just need to rest it. i can do all the rest of my workout without issue so thats great. been doing pushups on the bosu ball, which is like a half of an inflatable ball about two feet in diameter with a hard plastic base and handles on the sides. you put it ball-side down and hold the handles to do push-ups. this requires that you balance the ball while doing the push-ups so you use your core as well as your arms.
still waiting for the blood results to see if i have gaucher's disease. my step son and husband both are having health scares right now but i dont want to get into that until i have more information.
superbowl sunday today! we are going to party a bit but not too late since we all have to get up early in the morning. just having wings and chips and stuff like that. im rooting for the giants. its my husbands favorite team and otherwise i dont have much opinion about it. the only way that i would is if the redskins EVER made it to the superbowl. that would be an exciting day!
signing off for now. happy superbowl day to y'all!
2/6/12
Go Giants! What an awesome game! That was really an exciting game to watch. My throat is scratchy again and hopefully that is just from yelling last night not because Im gettting sick again... im going to the gym regardless. gonna sweat it out! do not feel like being here at work. not that i ever do on a monday morning but i have a feeling its going to be a long day. i dont have a lot of work to do and that makes the day drag. I would much rather be super busy all day every day than to sit on my ass w/o anything to do but watch the clock! i know everyone will stop and say, "oh, you got your haircut!" because i went back and got more cut off. the last cut just wasnt right. what i really wanted was a pixie cut so i went back to my fantastic stylist at bubbles, Lauren, who fixed me up, no problem. and gave me just the cut i wanted. Its great having a stylist you have such a great rapor with and who knows just what you want. so i have my answer ready for everyone at work who will say, "its so short!" my reply is that the is less wind drag. its for aerodynamic purposes. i can move through the office easier..
I have to get back on the ball with trying to get this gym going with coach hinton. its just that i have had a lot on my plate lately with my family's health. I will try to do some work on it today. i have to call him today to see how they did in the silver gloves. i hope his fighter won!
2/13/12
Good morning friends! It's been a while so I thought I would write a little bit today. It's getting cold here in Maryland, finally! It's been such a mild winter. We even had a little bit of snow over the weekend. I spent some time with family celebrating my brother and sister-in-law's birthdays. My family is very close and we get together whenever we can manage. I tore my calf muscle when I was jumping rope. Well I reinjured it because about a week ago it tore (micro-tear) when I was jumping rope. It was very sudden it felt like a very sharp sudden pain. I limped out of the gym and didnt jump rope for a while but continued the bike and weights. It stayed sore but not quite as bad. A week later I was running down a hill and boom, I got that very sharp pain again and it actually seemed as if I could hear it tear again. Man, that hurt. So I hobbled into work and it just hurt like hell. So i made a doc appt, and was referred to a sports med doc who confirmed it was a tear and gave me this ridiculous plastic padded boot to wear. It makes me feel like frankenstein! then he wanted me to get a scan to make sure that a blood clot had not formed during the injury. Since the place where he usually send his patients was closed, for whatever reason, he sent me to the ER across the street. Needless to say, there went my Saturday!! no blood clot and the leg seems to be healing. I wear the boot now and then but its such a HUGE pain in the ass to wear. I will try the gym today or tomorrow because I dont want too much time to pass w/o working out. Still waiting on test results for me, my husband and my step son. Im not going to get into all that until I know what is going on but we are all on pins and needles, mostly because of my step son's situation and my husband's.
Well I have decided to begin the editing process of my book by myself. I was going to hand it over to my sister but she has too much going on right now to work on it. It is a huge time consuming job. I think what will happen is that I will do a first edit and then go through and do at least one more to tweak it and tighten it up. I heard a writer once call it "trimming the fat." that is just what it is. You get rid of the excess words and stuff that arent necessary. Thankfully I am writing more as I go as well, realizing that I have left stuff out that I wanted to include. This way I am not cutting and cutting and ending up with not a long enough book. At some point, when I am done with my edits, I will send it out for a final edit by a professional. Those are expensive. I mean an edit wich is basically "light polishing" or just focusing on the grammar and punctuation is a couple of thousand and a heavier edit which gets the content right is twice that.
Once I feel its as good as I can get it I will start sending it out to agents. Each agent, however, requires a different format for submission so I have to go to each of their websites and find out what their submission guidelines are before submitting. Some just want a query, some an outline with a couple of chapters and you also need to write a proposal which includes who you think your audience is, how you will promote our book, etc. It is a lot of work. I dont mind it though. It has become my hobby working on the book. I think that even if it never gets published, just the process of writing it has been so therapeutic and such a cathartic experience. I really just needed to get it all out onto paper. It reminds of a men and women who have been to war and how that story can be such a heavy burden. I have been involved in a volunteer project called the Veterans History Project for the last 7 years. I interview veterans who have served during wartime and to date have done close to 60 of these interviews. They are videotaped and sent to the Library of Congress where they are archived and also made available to the public. Through this experience I have seen first hand how important it is to some of these people to tell their stories. It seems as if they have carried them with them in life like a burden which sometimes haunts them. I think that just telling their story to people isnt enough. I think that when it is videotapes and archived they know that it has been released and it is being saved in a safe place where it is available to anyone who wants to view it. It's much more of a therapeutic process because its not like just telling one person perhaps on a bar stool after a few beers. It's basically sharing it with the world. These tapes are made available to teachers who bring them into the classrooms, historians and documentary filmmakers. Not to mention just every day people and history buffs. I interviewed one WWII veterans whose wife was in the other room and she said that after all of the years they had been married, that was the first time she had ever heard his story. I still do the inteviews, just not as much because it is very time consuming but I encourage my son to do more. He has done a few of them as well as my stepson.